OJ

I’m a sports geek (mostly football and boxing) so my drive time consists of listening to ESPN radio, which includes Jim Rome in the morning. My wife says he’s bad for me but she cracks up whenever he’s on and she even tapes his TV show for us to watch.

All that is to set up something I heard Rome say during today’s show. He was commenting on OJ’s appearance in court yesterday, and Rome said,

And how comfortable does OJ Simpson look in the courtroom? Most people would be terrified to be in the there facing the accusations the “Juice” is looking at. But not “Oadge.” He’s right at home. Like seeing someone in their natural habitat. You know, Tiger Woods on a golf course. Michael Jordan on the hardwood . . . and “Oadge” facing criminal charges in a court room. Concerned? He looked downright bored. Like he might fall asleep. Then again, can you really blame the guy? I mean . . . been there, beaten that. They had him dead to rights on a double homicide charge . . . even had his DNA . . . and he walked right out of the courtroom and right onto the first tee at Rancho Park. You think he’s going to sweat something as significant and minor league as a little kidnapping charge? He was probably looking around the courtroom for Marcia Clark and Judge Ito instead of the cat behind the bench with the ponytail. At the risk of getting on the wrong side of every dude watching right now who’s still rocking the ponytail . . . where are you going with that? There’s never going to be another Woodstock. Turn the page, hippy.

Yeah, because “Oadge” is sweating this. Sure he is. He’s probably just waiting for someone to ask him to try on another glove. He’s probably suggesting rhymes to his lawyer for his closing argument. “It was my memorabilia . . . and it’s not like I tried to kill ya.” Or “I didn’t do any kidnapping. How long until I can get back to sand trapping.”

Allow me to save the judge the trouble. Not guilty. Set the “Juice” free. Or in the immortal words of that weirdo with the banner on the 405 freeway “Go, ‘Juice’ Go. Go, ‘Juice; Go.”

I lost it.

This gives me a chance to upload this photo that made the rounds about a year ago. It’s caption read: “Why we can’t find Osama.”