Tuesday, April 1, 2008

April Fool

“The folly of fools is deceit.” — Proverbs 14:8

I would be remiss if I let this day pass without noting its high spiritual import to the fool-mongers of the Kult. Indeed, April Fools’ Day stands head and shoulders above all the other days on the Kult calendar. As one person said, in terms of significance, it’s like their Day of Atonement. It probably carries as much weight to them calendar-wise as baptism does sacrament-wise, if that makes sense. However, since I don’t have much time, I will limit myself to documenting two of the more notorious April Fools’ Days in Kult lore.

The first and probably most offensive April Fools’ Day that I want to call to your attention was April 1, 1999, when the Kult leadership executed an incredibly well-devised prank to fool the entire Palouse, including all of the University of Idaho, into believing that the University was holding a lecture series on toplessness, which would be delivered by topless feminist scholars.

Here’s how the Fearless Leader told the story in Credenda Agenda:

By the time you receive this, our local police will probably have forgotten all about it, so a little bragging is now safe, and perhaps it is even in order. But first some background. Our local city council, through a series of ridiculous circumstances, decided to quit restricting female toplessness. The noble senior editor of this journal, encouraged by some winks and nudges from me, not that he needed any, made up a flyer which announced a topless and proud lecture series by topless feminist scholars. The titles of the talks were the typical postmodern hoohah — “Topless Shadows: A Personal Narrative,” “Destabilizing the Topless/Bottomless Duality,” “Breasts as Embodied Intuitions,” you get the drift. Some of our stalwart young Christian men, majoring in Christian culture and skylarking, papered the university with these flyers, and the next morning a bunch of them were faxed all over campus. Now you know that we live in sad days, days when satire is increasingly difficult, and almost impossible. The radio station announced the lectures all day, an instructor out of the women’s center announced the lectures to a class, and the English department (listed on the flyer as sponsor) called the announced location to find out if they were in fact going on.

Well, some authorities at the University of Idaho went sideways, and had the cops out looking for the culprits. When they demanded to see the film from the security cameras at Kinko’s (whence the faxes had been sent), our noble editor contacted the established authorities (Rom. 13), who told him it wasn’t funny. He responded that on the contrary it was, and the next day gave out a press release on how the university was trying to repress the true, the good and the lovely.

Needless to say, lots of people showed up for the non-event, and all this happened on April 1. All in all, it was a bad day for the tight-lipped fundamentalists of the left. (Credenda Agenda, Volume 11 number 3)

Please make careful note of the dougspeak in this narrative: “Some of our stalwart young Christian men, majoring in Christian culture and skylarking, papered the university with these flyers, and the next morning a bunch of them were faxed all over campus.” This really means that a member of the Kult stole a UI letterhead from the Vice President of the University of Idaho so that someone from the Kult could forge a memo announcing the topless lecture series. We know this from the police report, which you can read here on dougsplotch. Moreover, the “stalwart young Christian men, majoring in Christian culture and skylarking” were NSA students, which should remove all doubt about the corrupting influence of Doug Wilson.

You should also notice the way he describes the police investigation, how he leaves the false impression that the Kult cooperated with the police pursuant to Romans 13, which was not the case. The manager of Kinkos was a deacon in the Kult (now he’s a CREC pastor) and he stonewalled the police, refusing to let them see the surveillance tapes. No one that I know knows anything about the “press release on how the university was trying to repress the true, the good and the lovely.” The Lewiston Morning Trib (below), however, reported a press release that threatened a subpoena if Kinkos didn’t cooperate. If you read between the lines, that’s when the Kult leaders stopped laughing and began wetting their pants, which the Fearless Leader doesn’t mention either.

All in all, it was another bad day for the gospel, sponsored, of course, by those irresponsible fatheads of Christ Church, Moscow.

The second April Fools’ Day of Kult lore that I want to call to your attention was April 1, 2005, which was exactly 20 days after Douglas Wilson discovered that a serial pedophile had ravaged the lambs of his flock for the past 18 months. This fact alone should have been cause to lay off the fool’s play and take life a little more seriously. Not so for the Fearless Leader. Life is one big lying joke to him. Here is his blog post from that day:

Big News Topic: Current Events
Now that the papers are all signed, and my attorney says that there is nothing that can be done about it, I suppose this would be a good time to announce that through the generous help of a third party my wife and I have bought the Moscow Food Coop. For me to have been involved in the negotiations publicly would have been obviously counterproductive, but now that the deal is done, I think there is no longer any sense in being coy. At the same time, despite local politics, I want to assure all the regular Food Coop customers that there is absolutely no intention of selling the Coop’s new downtown location to Christ Church, or of diminishing in any way the quality of service that our customers have come to expect.

To understand this, you have to know that Wilson covets all the downtown property in Moscow and the Moscow Food Coop sits smack dab in the middle of downtown, like a hub. Wilson has coveted it for years. Moreover, you can’t go in the Coop without rubbing shoulders with a hippie, which is the exact opposite crowd that attends the Kult. I think it’s safe to say that Wilson despises them as much or more than anyone in the PCA. So he makes this stupid announcement on his blog, knowing that many of the locals keep tabs on him. He was making fun of the climate of fear that he cultivated, which is not funny if he’s after your property.

Local freelance reporter and Coop board member (I think) Bill London posted this to Vision 2020 in response to Wilson:

Doug Wilson, that funny guy, is at it again.

His April Fools joke this year is posted at his website (www.dougwils.com) today (see below). He claims in this post to have purchased the Moscow Food Co-op. The Co-op is owned by its 3,500 members, not some shadowy multinational corporation he guided to a corporate takeover. Doug is not a Co-op member, so he doesn’t even own a tiny portion of the Co-op. It’s just his attempt at “funny.”

I would like to remind Doug that there are two kinds of funny. Funny as in “hah, hah, good joke” and funny as in quite peculiar. He’s sliding well into the peculiar category with this one.


“Funny as in quite peculiar”: Bill nailed it. Think about it: At that time Douglas Wilson had no idea how many lambs Steven Sitler had raped (and he still does not know this), but he had time to play a practical joke on the community. At that time Wilson had not notified his flock of predation (and he still has not warned his flock of predation), but he had time to for foolishness. And presumably, at that time Wilson had not yet completed his six counseling sessions with the serial pedophile whereby he declared him repentant and ready to return to society. But Wilson knew the community didn’t trust him and was suspicious of his land grabbing, so he played off that fear as a joke.

Frankly, Bill London understated it (as is his style). This April Fools’ Day joke was “peculiar” before anyone knew about Steven Sitler, simply because it constituted yet more antagonism from a professed gospel minister against the community. Now that we know about Steven Sitler’s horrifying crimes and Wilson’s unconscionable dereliction of duty, this joke is downright sick.

He may think it funny, just as he got a hoot out of his “topless and proud” gag. But I know this much: none of the victims laughed that day, if they kept abreast of the bilge from Blog and Mablog. No, I’m certain that none of those families in Moscow, Colville, or Virginia yucked it up with the Fearless Leader — “Happy April Fools’ Day, Pastor! By the way, when you get a minute from your busy blogging schedule, can you please tell me what to do about my two-year-old daughter?” And I know God was not pleased either.

But I take comfort knowing that the Lord has not precluded fools from reaping what they sow, which means that one day the Fearless Leader shall face a harvest of unprecedented proportions, because Scripture says,

Because you disdained all my counsel,
And would have none of my rebuke,
I also will laugh at your calamity;
I will mock when your terror comes,
When your terror comes like a storm,
And your destruction comes like a whirlwind,
When distress and anguish come upon you.

Then they will call on me, but I will not answer;
They will seek me diligently, but they will not find me.
Because they hated knowledge
And did not choose the fear of the LORD,

They would have none of my counsel
And despised my every rebuke.
Therefore they shall eat the fruit of their own way,
And be filled to the full with their own fancies.
— Proverbs 1:24–31

Thank you.