Thursday, October 25, 2007

Agree That You Might Understand

I struggled with the best title for this post between “Catholics Reclaiming Evangelical Churches” and the one I gave it. They’re both winners. Regardless, I think DaFedSez is the FOREMOST authority on the Federal Vision, and he’s one brilliant writer as well. By the way, I grabbed the Randy Booth pic from Cultists in Hats, so I can’t take the Photoshop compliment.

DaFedSez said. . .

Dear Mark,

While I am impressed at your attempts at attaining to true smugnanity and your impressive photoshopping skilz, you still appear to badly misunderstand the FV. I know this for certain because you do not yet appear to agree with us, and when it comes to the FV the rule is “agree that you might understand.” I would invite you once again to join us, and have been authorized to tell you that if you do so, I can offer you some of the benefits that come with the FV anointing:
  1. The ability to actively tinker with core doctrines of the Christian faith that have been accepted for centuries, and reshape them at will. No prior experience or even formal theological education is necessary. We also have an assortment of adulatory blurbs already drawn up that you can sprinkle like sugar on the back of your first book as well as at least 4 conference appearances in 2008 alone! I regret to inform you that the Trinity and Justification and the Sacraments have already received the silly putty treatment at length, but a friend assures me that there are several other doctrine thingees to tamper with. I suggest you get on board soon though before the good ones get snapped up.

  2. Your own sacerdotal garment and minister’s uniform designer. No aspiring visialogue is complete without a dog collar and an extensive wardrobe of polyester robes, sashes, and what we affectionately call the pointy hat. These garments have the magical power to add gravitas and divert attention away from even the worst goatee or otherwise total lack of physique. They also instantly transform tedious self-contradictory revisionist goobledegook into liturgical masterpieces. Nothing says, “I’m #1 around here and you aren’t,” like FV couture (TM).

  3. A set of fill-in-the-blanks letters that will give you the power to excise and intimidate members of the church without recourse to any irritating sort of “book of so-called church order.” Also included is a copy of our new Praying Through the Imprecatories devotional.
I can also give you one of the secret keys to understanding the CREC (Catholics Reclaiming Evangelical Churches) movement. Our great hero of the Reformation is actually King Henry the Eighth. You see he recognized that the only thing really wrong with the Roman Catholic church was that the Pope had all the power (that continuing problem still keeps many of us away from our true Alma Mater.) You see what we need today is that good old medieval Romanism but with an individualized system of congregational papacies. Join us and you too can be a miniaturized version of Leo the Tenth! (Oh, and I checked about the ceiling thing but I was told Michelangelo is dead, bummerisimus eh?)